A Love Language Minute: Feel Like Giving Up on Marriage?

by Dr. Gary Chapman

Do you feel like giving up on your marriage?

I've been counseling people with marital struggles for over thirty years. Often they come alone because their spouse will not come with them. And, often they have no hope. They are living in very difficult marriages. I am under no illusion that I can give a magic formula to bring healing to all such marriages, but I do believe that in every troubled marriage positive steps can be taken by one partner that have the potential for changing the emotional climate between the two of them.

The first step is to make the decision not to give up. Read a book, talk with a counselor or pastor, share with a trusted friend, but don't give up. Nothing is impossible with God!

There are three radical and negative approaches to a troubled marriage: suicide, homicide, and divorce. The first two are considered unthinkable by intelligent, mentally healthy people. On the other hand, divorce is often seen as a humane way of ending the pain of an unhealthy relationship. Some have divorced two, three or more times and are still in search of a happy marriage. When I did the research for my book Desperate Marriages, I discovered that divorce does not solve problems. It creates problems that never go away.

The answer is not found in running, but in learning. Learn what is behind your spouse's bad behavior. Then you can ask God for wisdom on how to respond. You can be a part of the solution.